It’s been a few months since I last logged onto one of the dating sites I am a member of. It was getting really depressing to see that my “best matches” were men with the same traits I divorced away from. Apathy, lack of motivation to do anything but the bare minimum, addiction to video games, lack of a social life (this is determined by the fact that ALL photos on the profile are self portraits with a cell phone camera in a mirror, which means the person doesn’t go out with friends and have any pictures of themselves doing something). Granted, my own background is what’s causing me to be matched up with these people. I’m a single mother who makes “ok” money with just a semester of college under her belt living in a zip code that isn’t the best. Basic matching algorithms match me up with people whose own lives are just like that. The algorithms don’t take into account that I don’t have cable because I want to save money, that I have more books than video games, that my two tattoos have to do with my faith journey, not a drunken night in Vegas, that I attend church regularly…
And I know that the algorithms don’t care about my church background because I am constantly matched up with people who are not religious or are very conservative OR that don’t want to date anyone who is Christian. When I pick from the religions listed, I have to pick Christian-other because that’s the closest option to DOC. I’m not Catholic, Lutheran or Baptist. Unfortunately, Christian-other encompasses ALL OTHER types of Christians, the types that make people say “Oh…” and look away when I say I’m a Christian. Other types that make a bad name for the rest of us.
I’m a liberal. I voted against Prop 8, am relieved that DADT is on its way out, am very open minded when it comes to other religions and beliefs, and yet others who say the same thing also say this on their profile:
If one of these “deal breakers” applies to you, then we may not be a very good match:
– ‘Church-going’ or ‘practicing’ Christian
– Serial dater
– Hipster (or any other pre-fabricated label or stereotype)
– Your longest relationship was under 1 year long
– One of your hobbies involves slaughtering helpless animals for pleasure (I believe you call it “hunting”)
I don’t fall into any of these except that I am a church-going, practicing Christian. Apparently being a follower of one of those most peaceful people in history (or mythology, however you look at it) and being a person who wants nothing more than peace among all peoples is a disqualifying trait.
Likely because there are other people who fall into the Christian “category” that aren’t like me. But if I were Jewish, Muslim, Wiccan or Buddhist, I’d be ok to date.