Hanging In There

Another dating site, another bust.

I joined Plentyoffish.com a few weeks ago. It’s a bit of a beauty contest, I think. If you don’t look like a beauty queen or put body type as “A Few Extra Pounds,” then you don’t get a lot of hits. Sorry, but having a kid will change your body shape. I didn’t have the luxury of getting a personal trainer to kick my butt back into shape 3 days after my daughter was born. And my kidney donation left it uncomfortable to do many sit-ups. So my curves come from love and kindness. But it doesn’t let you put that in there. Just “A Few Extra Pounds.”

To date, only one man on there has reached out to me. I have reached out to about 5. The first one I spoke to seemed very nice. Past his “party days” and has done volunteer work overseas. He’s got knee problems like I do, and he’s close to his family. We e-mailed back and forth for a few days before I gave him my number. He called and we talked for a while. It seemed we’d hit it off. We discussed meeting up soon. He said he’d call after Valentine’s Day weekend; he was going to visit his mom for the weekend. And here it is, a week after he called, and I haven’t heard from him. No e-mails, no phone calls…nothing.

While I don’t think a guy should do all the work, nor do I completely subscribe to keeping score in a relationship, I do think that there should be a fair amount of responsibility or sharing in the work that is done. I was the one to e-mail him first. I was the one who gave him my number. I was the one to suggest we meet up, since we’d enjoyed talking online. He called me, and he told me he’d call me again. So, I want to hold him to it. A part of me wants to “be the man” and call him. Another part of me doesn’t because it’s his turn. And yet another part says not to bother, since he’s obviously not interested. I know he didn’t fall off the face of the earth; I’ve seen him online. I just don’t like being dropped like a hot potato or ignored. If you’re not interested, tell me. Don’t leave me guessing what I did wrong. I like to learn from my mistakes, or at least what turned the guy off.

The sarcastic part of me thinks either his mom or one of his buddies told him he doesn’t want to get involved with a single mom; thanks to Tom Leykis, a lot of guys out there think single moms are looking for a sugar daddy or are loose women who just want child support to help their shopping addiction. I was married for a year before my (ex) husband and I conceived our daughter. I was married to him for another 2 years before we decided to separate and divorce. I have a full-time job so I can take care of my daughter and have a second part-time job so that I can give her the life experiences she deserves (trips to Disneyland, swimming lessons, dance lessons, toys), all while saving away the most money I can to help her when she goes to college. I don’t need someone else’s money to do that for me.

But guys don’t seem to see that part. They see “Yes” next to the question “Do you have children” and they run away as fast as they can. I’m a person who needs honesty in my life, therefore I’m not going to put “No” as my answer to that question. I know that I don’t want to be with a guy who doesn’t see me for me, but it’s hard on the self-esteem when I haven’t met a guy who does see me for me in the almost-three years I’ve been single. I can’t force anyone to want to date a single mom, nor do I want to. But I do want to meet the guys out there who are okay with it, who know that I have interests outside of my child.

Where are they?

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One thought on “Hanging In There

  1. @primesuspect

    It doesn't just happen to moms. I'm a single dad, and I get VERY few contacts on my OKCupid profile, and none at all on my plentyoffish profile. If a single mom is scary, single dads are scary too.

    I actually had a woman tell me "I don't want any baby mama drama. Sorry."

    I'm not looking for a mom for my kids; I do just fine on my own, but there is definitely a stigma for single parents.

    Reply

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