Musings on a neighbor

When I moved into my apartment in August, I had upstairs neighbors. I didn’t even know they’d moved out until I received a notice a few weeks ago from the management office that I needed to take care of the weeds in my backyard (hey, you guys gave me soil with weeds in it; now it’s my problem they’re there?) because prospective renters didn’t want to see weeds down in my yard (Um, STOP looking in my yard!).

Anyway, my previous neighbors were so quiet, I never heard them. No voices, no thuds of things being dropped on the floor. Peaceful folk, which is why I never knew they’d moved out!

Well, I know I have a neighbor(s) now! While I’ve never met him, I hear him. Every night. Clearly the person living above me has never spent time in a travel trailer. See, in a travel trailer, you learn to walk differently, so you don’t shake the whole damn trailer or make huge clomping noises, since some of the floor is quasi-hollow with compartments underneath for storage. Anyway, these people (as I’m typing this, I’ve finally discerned there are two people occupying the apartment above me) would never qualify as a spy; you can hear everything they’re doing!

I hear their feet pounding the stairs outside as they make their way to their front door. I hear them walk from their living room to their kitchen to their bedroom to their bathroom to their other bedroom. These people never stop walking! And the moving of the furniture; oy! Every night with the relocation of heavy furniture! I’ve come up with some fanciful ideas as to who or what they are based on the lovely sounds I hear each night.

1. One works a night shift and the other a day shift. One of them has OCD and likes their furniture just where they want it. The other is a jackass and moves the furniture while the other is away so when OCD-man comes back, he gets pissed off and stomps all through the apartment as he puts everything back in its rightful place.

2. They are a pair of furniture dancers. Heck, anyone can lift a dance partner over their heads while doing a fancy Latin dance! These folks dance with their dressers and entertainment centers! And they are giving me a preview of their show, as it’s all based on sound! Scrape goes the kitchen table as he lifts it off the floor. He travels across the room with a Cumbia-style step, quick and slick. THUD goes the table before he drags it into position as his dance partner takes his turn with the solid oak masterpiece.

3. A friend suggested that perhaps they are preparing for the zombie apocalypse and every night before going to bed they barricade the front door with every piece of furniture they own.

And while I can hear their steps and the moving of furniture, I have to also assume they are hard of hearing. The lack of conversation between the two of them in conjunction with the very loud footsteps and furniture thumps makes me think this is a highly likely scenario.

So…

A pair of hard-of-hearing furniture dancers who are afraid of zombies and more-or-less dealing with OCD.

Nice to meet you, neighbors. I’m the woman with no couch, a boxed up Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, a fish in half of a bowl hanging on the wall and a record player on a TV tray.

Hmm…and I think they’re strange?

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