Nerves – Part 1


HUGE butterflies.

Like this one:


It feels like 30 12-inch butterflies have taken over my stomach. And I haven’t even finished my coffee!

Tomorrow I head up to L.A. for blood work and ultrasounds at the fertility clinic. It’ll be one of my last tests I’ll have done before the embryo transfer. These tests will help the doctors to determine how my uterine lining is looking, what my hormone levels are, and whether we can continue with the transfer date we’ve scheduled. I’ve done my best to keep the date to myself for fear of jinxing the whole thing; only a handful of people know the real date. I just know that if I share the exact date, something will happen to push it back.

I’ll be driving up to the clinic with my friend, “Mary” who used to work with some of the doctors at the fertility clinic! She’s been my go-to person when I have questions or want to talk technical terms and she’s even asked to be my birth coach! (Mom also wants to be my coach, so I’m a bit torn) Mary’s looking forward to seeing her old colleagues and I’m glad for the moral support, extra ears to hear what I’ll forget and extra brain to help me remember what questions to ask.

I’m excited to help “the boys” really start their journey to parenthood and I know they’ll be great fathers, but I’m so nervous. I worry that I’m not going to be the right “home” for their embryo, that we’ll have to push the transfer date back, that something will go wrong, that I’ve been doing my injections incorrectly…

I so very much want the best for the boys and their baby, I don’t want to be the one to mess it up!

(Titled “Nerves – Part 1” because I’m fairly confident that I’ll have more nervousness as we get closer to the transfer date and then the agonizing wait for pregnancy confirmation by various tests.)

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