Somehow I went on a date with my ex-husband last night. Well, not really, but this guy might as well have been my ex. “Peter” turned out to be just like “Jake:” a salesman. When I arrived at the bar, I apologized for my being a bit late; my church meeting had run later than I expected. He told me that he could save my church money on printing. Um, what? Yeah, he runs an advertising/printing company. His first sentence to me in person was a pitch for his business. Ugh.
He also spent 30 of the 40 minutes I spent at the bar talking about himself. Yes, I know you’re supposed to talk about yourself on dates, but he talked himself up so much that I could barely get an word in edgewise and when I did get a chance to speak, he didn’t really seem to listen, or at least not absorb what I said.
And he had two friends with him. “Steve” who was 15 years older than me and “John” who is about 60 years older than me. Yep. “Steve” and I made some small talk while “Peter” and “John” talked business and we hit it off pretty well, but then “Peter” came back and “Steve” left for the evening.
I knew going into this date that “Peter” didn’t like dating single moms. I actually challenged him on the dating site I met him on; his profile stated, “I do not date women with kids, for I do not have any of my own.” Huh? His response to my question why: “For you I will make an exception!” Oh, just for me?!? Awww… Thanks Mr. Guy-I-Just-Met-Online-Today-And-Don’t-Know-From-Adam!
It turns out that that line in his profile was the only truthful statement.
“Smoker? No.” Liar.
“Do you have a car? Yes.” Liar (I had to meet him close to his house because his car was in L.A.; he was very vague as to why it was in L.A.)
“My personality is through the roof.” Yeah, in outer space! He only spoke about himself and all the good he’s doing for his good friend “John” out of the goodness in his heart, all while maintaining a near-perfect monotone.
“Do not worry I know how to listen!” Yup, to the sound of your own nasal, dull voice.
I did manage to talk about my PC business, which means at least the night wasn’t a total bomb; I can include my receipt in my tax write-off for next year. Yup, had to buy my own drinks last night, too.
I think I found a winner.
I wonder if I should put a disclaimer on my dating site profile: Caution – bad date experiences are subject to appearing on my blog, and though your name will be changed to protect your identity, past and future women you date may recognize your personality and/or description. Either bring your A-game or don’t come at all.
Hmm… might not be too bad of an idea…