Elementary, My Dear Suitor

Today’s ‘Bad Opening Line’ comes from a good friend. She, too, is trying to navigate the world of online dating and felt inspired to share a recent message from a potential (or not-so-potential) date. This is shared with her blessing.

“Your cute, our babies would look amazing”

You’re

“Sorry i thought this was match.com not grammer 101”

I’m fairly certain my daughter’s class was taught the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ in the third grade, if not earlier. Lord help us if it’s not taught until freshman year of college, which I’m assuming this guy hasn’t completed yet, based on his ‘grammer.’

Oh, and I loved the beginning of his profile:

I’M PRETTY AWESOME

I’m a good guy that’s looking for a good girl who’s loyal, honest and Fun. I set high standards for myself and I expect the same from any girl that I’m with. Other than that I’m an incredible dancer with amazing biceps which are complemented by my stunning good looks.…”

I didn’t even know that there is a difference between ‘fun’ and ‘Fun,’ but I’m pretty sure my friend is ‘Fun.’

If you’ve got a ‘Bad Opening Line’ you’d like to share, feel free to comment on this post or send me an email.

Oh, I Misunderstood Again, Didn’t I?

“lets have fun”

Great idea! I haven’t played Monopoly in ages!

You Could Have At Least Stolen the Picture, Too

“hi there
hope u doin fine pls see my prifle hope u like it wud be nice to hear back from u btw u got very beautiful eyes n smile
thnx”

Every so often you come across swipers: people who steal someone’s profile and make it their own. Sometimes it’s pictures, sometimes it’s the self summary. And sometimes it takes a while to figure out the profile is stolen.

I took this gentleman up on his offer to ‘see my prifle.’

“This is absolutely my first time oh no second time lol with fiber-optic dating, but it’s either this or the “olde saloon” scene, so here goes… I want to meet a REAL girl (whatever that means). Also, I’m not hard-up for a date. I AM, however, hard-up to find Miss. Right (if she’s not already with Mr. Right?!#)! My ideal match? Well, I’m usually drawn to very femmine girls who are intelligent and good conversationalists .Things that describe me (and SHOULD describe you):
WITTY (intellect is attractive), GOOD LOOKING (conceited, I know; I’ll apologize later!), FUNNY (I love people who laugh out loud), COMMITTED (duh!), CONVERSATIONALIST (gotta have that, right?), MATURE YET SILLY, ATHLETIC (this one’s optional for you!), Wine and Opera on Saturday, Beer and Football on Sunday!, AVID CAR-SINGER, PHILOSOPHER POET SCIENTIST (is that too much to ask?)”

He almost had me, but then smushed right at the end was this gem:

“but pls dont be shy n say Hi sure u be proud of ur self u did”

So proud.