Me dreams are killing me
If transfer day was Day 1, today is Day 5. I’ve had one embryo in me for 5 days, and the embryo itself is now 10 days old. My BETA (blood test to verify if I’m pregnant) is scheduled for Friday the 20th. Of course, being the impatient person that I am, I want to know NOW if I am, in fact, pregnant.
Add to the mix seeing a bunch of people yesterday who know I’m going to be a surrogate but don’t read my blog, I was forever repeating myself that I DON’T know yet if I’m pregnant and really, who does only 5 days after the fertilized egg hits their uterine lining??
But because I’m answering these questions over and over (and will again in about 1 hour at church), I keep asking myself the question: when will I know??
I bought two types of pregnancy tests: Wondfo strips and Clearblue digital tests. The more expensive Clearblue is so I can show “the boys” the gloriously perfect words “PREGNANT.” The Wondfos are similar to what health clinics use to test for HCG: small little strips that are $5 for a pack of 25. I had planned to start POAS (Peeing On A Stick) (hey, you’re reading about a woman trying to get pregnant; did you think the word “pee” wouldn’t show up?!?) on the 16th, just 6 days after my transfer (or 6dp5d as the gals in my support group would say (6 days post 5-day embryo transfer)).
But my curiosity yesterday got the best of me. I opened up the Wondfo pack and gave it a try: Big Fat Negative (BFN). I’m not surprised, but I thought maybe I was superwoman and would have already started producing large amounts of HCG. No worries, I’ll try again another day.
And then I went to bed. And, BOY, did I have some vivid dreams!! TWICE I dreamt that I was POAS and it came up Big Fat Positive!! And both times I woke up right after that part and had to remind myself that it was just a dream.
See? TWICE!!
So not fair!
So, what did I do when I got up this morning? Yup, tested again.
BFN
That’s ok. It’s still very early. A gal in my support group had her transfer 5 days before me and she’s just now getting a faint Positive on her tests.
So I just need to be patient.
But I know I won’t be. Not with the whole world asking every time they see me if I’m pregnant yet.
Trust me, as soon as I find out, and after I tell the boys, and after I tell my mom, THEN you’ll know.
Crossing my fingers (not my legs)
All’s Well
Took the day off from work and drove to the fertility clinic in L.A. with “Mary.”
One vial of blood was taken, testing 3 different hormone levels.
“Dr. Singer” examined my uterine lining and told me its perfect, measuring between 8.5 and 10mm.
The egg retrieval will happen on Friday, so my transfer date was moved up by a day!! I’ll have my final Lupron injection tonight, keep my Estradiol Valerate at the same level, tomorrow I start my daily Progesterone injections and on Saturday I’ll halve my Estradiol Valerate amount.
It seems that the plan will be to have “Mary” take me to L.A. next week for the transfer (as Mom will be needing to pick up “Em” from school) and she’ll drive me home so I can be on bed rest at my own place rather than in a hotel. And the timing still works as my folks will keep Em over the holiday weekend.
It’s happening! It’s really happening!!
Nerves – Part 1
Butterflies.
HUGE butterflies.
Like this one:
It feels like 30 12-inch butterflies have taken over my stomach. And I haven’t even finished my coffee!
Tomorrow I head up to L.A. for blood work and ultrasounds at the fertility clinic. It’ll be one of my last tests I’ll have done before the embryo transfer. These tests will help the doctors to determine how my uterine lining is looking, what my hormone levels are, and whether we can continue with the transfer date we’ve scheduled. I’ve done my best to keep the date to myself for fear of jinxing the whole thing; only a handful of people know the real date. I just know that if I share the exact date, something will happen to push it back.
I’ll be driving up to the clinic with my friend, “Mary” who used to work with some of the doctors at the fertility clinic! She’s been my go-to person when I have questions or want to talk technical terms and she’s even asked to be my birth coach! (Mom also wants to be my coach, so I’m a bit torn) Mary’s looking forward to seeing her old colleagues and I’m glad for the moral support, extra ears to hear what I’ll forget and extra brain to help me remember what questions to ask.
I’m excited to help “the boys” really start their journey to parenthood and I know they’ll be great fathers, but I’m so nervous. I worry that I’m not going to be the right “home” for their embryo, that we’ll have to push the transfer date back, that something will go wrong, that I’ve been doing my injections incorrectly…
I so very much want the best for the boys and their baby, I don’t want to be the one to mess it up!
(Titled “Nerves – Part 1″ because I’m fairly confident that I’ll have more nervousness as we get closer to the transfer date and then the agonizing wait for pregnancy confirmation by various tests.)
Catching Up For Posterity
I don’t want to forget these things, so I’m writing them down. Nothing fun or exciting. Just preserving the events.
December 12, 2011: Started daily Lupron injections at 1mg in the area near my bellybutton. Self-administered.
December 18, 2011: No more birth control pills.
December 21, 2011: Started my period late evening.
December 23, 2011: Went to Quest to get my hormone levels tested; tested Estradiol and Progesterone. Started every-three-days Estradiol Valerate injections at 2mg on my lower waist on my back. Mom administered. Period ended. Lupron injections reduced to .5mg.
December 28, 2011: Went to Quest to get my hormone levels tested: tested Estradiol.
December 29, 2011: Estradiol Valerate injections increased to 4mg.
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