Surprised by my own feelings…

The last week has been a stressful one. Being extremely hormonal and off my “mood stabilizers” has really taken a toll on me.

My husband and I decided on a color scheme for the nursery. We are going with  dark grey, white, and a light yellow for the accent. We figured once we know if it’s a boy or girl we can add another accent color: navy blue for a boy and light baby pink for a girl. We bought yarn so that I can crochet the crib comforter and bumper.

I picked out a pattern that I think would look very nice for either a girl or a boy. So far, I’m two skeins in, and on my third, and I LOVE IT! The pattern is a basket weave, so it will be thick and warm for the winter, but textured enough for the baby to enjoy. I plan to do a white and gray thick stripe pattern, and accent it with the yellow. I’ll continue to post photos as it grows, and of course, once it is actually in the crib.

Luckily, I haven’t had appetite problems like my sister. I have a healthy appetite, although I have been leaning towards comfort foods lately. I have, however, had an upset tummy more often than not. I don’t have any morning sickness (thank goodness!!), but the upset tummy is my own personal version of morning sickness. I’ve been very good about no caffeine, only once a week, if that. I don’t normally drink soda anyways, so it’s not difficult to stay away from. This 4th of July holiday was a tad bad eating-wise, but that’s to be expected when I make homemade corn dogs and French fries for the holiday. The one downside to that is the entire house still smells like deep fried foods, and everyday when I come home the smell makes me nauseous.

My husband and I have been working on baby names. We have a couple for a boy, and one for a girl. He is absolutely certain it’s a boy, and I’m very much hoping for a girl. We still have about 9-10 weeks left before we can even find out, and I’m not sure I want to know the gender. I kind of do and I kind of don’t. I’ve heard of parents who don’t call their baby by their name until they see them, and I’ve heard of parents who call their baby by their name the second they decide on a name. I still don’t know what kind of parent I’m going to be. I think it will be a day-to-day kind of thing. Just take it one day at a time, make decisions as they need to be made, not in advance. Which is so not me. I like to plan things out so that I have a strategy (and an exit strategy if necessary). When I enter a store or restaurant, I look to see where the bathroom is, just in case. That’s the kind of person I am. But today, my best friend shared a tidbit of her life on Facebook that scared me because it was about parenting. My first instinct was to rethink this whole parenting thing. And I said so in a comment “Starting to rethink this whole child-bearing thing….” Right as I sent that comment through to the Facebook servers, I had a flashback of babysitting my niece when she was a baby.

I adore this picture of her and me. She is fast asleep on my chest and I’m laying on the ground. She’s just a teeny-tiny litte baby, and I’m only 16, but I knew then (and even before) that I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to hold my own daughter until she fell asleep. Sure, there will be 2-year-old temper tantrums and 14-year-old temper tantrums to live through, but do I really want to miss out on cuddling with my child (even when she is 14) just because of a few temper tantrums or fights? The answer was like an Emergency Broadcasting System going off in my head screaming NO! I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised. 

I’ve always been a cuddlebug (see photo to the right). And I love to rock a child to sleep. Whether it was my niece or “Rory”, whom I babysit once in a while, and used to rock to sleep some nights when hanging out at her dad’s house. But the initial thought of “what have I gotten myself into?!” isn’t so different than so many moms before me. 

When Chris and I are out in public and see children misbehaving, we automatically assume it is the parenting. I suppose that’s normal considering young children really learn a lot from their parents and siblings. We look at each other and give this look that says “God help me if I am a parent who lets my kid do that in public.” We know what basic principles we want to teach our child(ren), but there is only so much that each child can absorb. Looking back at my childhood, my sister and I were very well behaved compared to some kids I see nowadays. Part of me wonders if it’s “just some parents” or if its a generational thing. The saying goes “it takes a village to raise a child.” And I think that is very true. Growing up I had many “parent figures” who told me yes or no. It wasn’t just my parents and grandparents, but my church family and my parent’s best friends who parented me when necessary. I mentioned earlier in this post that I want to make a decision when it needs to be made, not in advance. Part of that is true. Part of it isn’t. And I’m actually starting to confuse myself now. Heh. I guess what I mean(t) is when my child acts out, I’ll decide then and there how to punish them; and when my child does something great or amazing, I’ll decide then and there how to praise them. But when it comes to things like diapers: disposable or cloth; food: buy or make my own; childcare: stay home or find a nanny; etc. Things like that, I’ve already decided on, but will probably change my mind 30 times before the baby is even born.

I suppose only time will tell. I still have 29 more weeks left with this whole baby thing. Emotions will run rampant, smells should fade, and cravings will only get stranger (and stronger!). Whatever happens, I know I have my family (both sides) and my friends to help me through it and to laugh with. I’m hoping that overall there will be more laughter than tears.

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About Li'l Sis

My name is Nicole . I'm 24, married for 3 years, and expecting my first child. I live with my husband and two cats, Frank and Marmalade. Right now I am working full-time at a new job, but that status might change soon. I collect hobbies, but my favorite one for the time being is baking cupcakes. I've been told they are quite tasty. :) I have one older sister, whom I adore and look up to every day. She and I are 4 and a half years apart in age, but it seems like nothing now that we are both grown women. While we are at different points in our lives, we are still best of friends and talk frequently. I have a very close and healthy relationship with my parents and my in-laws. I've been living on the other side of the country for a year, and miss my family terribly, but since technology is a big part of our lives, we are able to comminucate more often than we did when I lived 20 minutes away.

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