I’m in for it now. All day the bile in my stomach has been threatening to rise up and tear at my esophagus, I haven’t been able to focus, I’ve got a monster headache,I’ve been dreading going home and I am having to rearrange my weekend for the worse.
I forgot to do my homework. Or rather, Em’s homework. And not really forgot, but mis-read the deadline. Twice. Twice I checked the deadline and TWICE I read that it was due on the 21st. I triple checked it this morning: it’s due the 12th. The assignment was given before the start of Spring Break so that we parents would have time to help our Kindergarteners with their project, since the teacher was aware that students were likely to be out of town during the break.
So tonight, Em and I get to start and likely finish buidling an El Pollo Loco. Her entire class is building their community, one business per child. I know that this is Kindergarten and they are not expecting world-class construction, but I also know that there is no way a Kindergartener can do this all alone. The parents are asked (in not so many words) to help their children. Which means I, being a perfectionist, cannot just let her hand in a cereal box with the El Pollo Loco logo stuck on the front. We need to spend some quality time on this. Quality time that we barely had.
The first week of Spring Break, Em and my mother took a road trip to see a friend up North. The second week of Spring Break, I, thinking that I had another 2 weeks, took Em to El Pollo Loco to take pictures of the building so we’d know what we were trying to make. But that was all we did. I partially (just a smidge) blame it on being a single parent; it’s hard to work full time, drive home for 45 minutes, find time to relax for a bit before dinner, then work on building a restaurant before my daughter has to go to bed. And it’s not fair to ask my mom to help (though I did ask) because she’s home with her all day; Em is my child, not hers.
I blame myself on many levels for this major screw up, feel just awful about it, and the old panic I always felt as a child in school when I didn’t do my homework on time has taken over again. I was a good kid, smart and curious. But close to the end of elementary school, things changed (that’s a whole different blog/therapy session) and I began to despise school and homework. So I would put it off until the last minute, then get myself all worked up because I only had a few hours to start and finish a big report or project.
Seems nothing’s changed in almost 10 years. I feel unworthy of being a parent; if I hate homework so much, how can I persuade my child to do it? And this is just Kindergarten. If she’s building an El Pollo Loco in Kindergarten, what can I expect in 1st grade? I know that I’m not supposed to do her homework for her, just help her, but c’mon! Build an El Pollo Loco? I know she’s smart, but she’s only 5! I’m not so sure I’m cut out for this. It’s like the parent who is telling their kids not to do something, even though they did it as a child/youth. I feel so hypocritical. I know homework is good for her on so many levels, but I hate it with a passion and really hope that feeling doesn’t show through to her.
Like I said: I’m in for it now. Big time.
We did it! After some overnight drying, we’re done! It took 4 crayons, 3 shoeboxes, 2 types of glue and a lot of patience. But we did it!