I’ve been blogging for quite a few years now and this blog is my journal, albeit a very public journal. Every topic I felt I needed to write about has appeared on here: kids, family, surrogacy, dating, ex-husband, church, music…
Names have been altered to prevent people who don’t already know me from tracking down my loved ones. But people who are in my life know who my parents are, who my boyfriend is, etc.
And this has caused a bit of trouble. As “Brad” and I navigate our relationship, people have been coming to my blog to find out how we’re doing. In the beginning, I wondered how I would feel knowing that his family would get to know me by my very personal and raw posts; I tend to write more often when I’m sad or frustrated than when I’m content or excited about things.
Unfortunately, I didn’t think about how Brad would feel knowing his family would be reading all of my inner-most thoughts. Because we started dating shortly after my successful IVF transfer, my hormones have been fluctuating wildly, causing me to over-think and over-analyze things in our relationship. I turned to my blog to get my feelings out and people close to Brad and me became concerned about us, checking on us with a tone of panic. Even Brad sometimes was concerned and confused about my writings.
While I have always been open and honest in my blog, I’ve learned that my relationship with Brad needs to be just between Brad and me. Brad has done a remarkable job of helping to keep me steady when I feel like things are at their worst and I am so grateful for his patience. But it’s time to say “Goodbye” for now to the public posts about Brad and me, or at least the ones that from an outsider’s perspective seem doom-and-gloom. I’ll still write so I can have my self-therapy, my journal, but the posts will remain private.
So, if you’re close to Brad, me or both of us, feel free to ask how things are going. If we’re comfortable telling you, we will. But you won’t see it on this blog.
Personal note: my apologies to those whom I’ve “unfriended” on Facebook. It was not done with malice but with the same regard for privacy as I talk about in this post. I feel like I cannot be my normal self online without causing confusion. As time passes, things may change.