I wrote this in response to my surrogate support group ladies who helped keep me calm last night, but it really applies to all of my friends and family out there.
I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It’s been a very difficult day for me. I’ve been wavering between extreme sadness and guilt. I didn’t know the young man who was killed, but I know how hurt “Brad” (and the rest of the group in Detroit) is by his death.
I feel guilty because I’m so glad that Brad is so tall and is ALWAYS seated in the front seat and his freakishly long legs saved his life.
I hurt because I cannot help him grieve, I am lonely because while I know he is with the people who can help him the most, I am here alone in my sadness.
I am scared that the man that will come home next weekend will not be the man I took to the airport.
I am in pain because I love him so much that just thinking that he came so close to being seriously hurt (or worse) causes me to sob uncontrollably.
I am going to try my best to have fun tonight: a Halloween costume party in Hollywood with a bunch of gay men, some of whom I know will ooh and ahh over my ally belly.
But I ache to be with Brad right now, and so I thank you for your support and prayers.