One of the most frequently asked questions about my journey to surrogacy (other than the general, “Huh?”) is “Isn’t that going to make it hard to date?”
I present to you, in no particular order, the top 7 reasons to date a surrogate
1. It’s not likely that she’s going to go all marriage-trigger-happy on you
Surrogates dealing with international “intended parents” have a contract that prohibits them from getting hitched from the date they signed the contract until six months after the birth of the child; some countries have obscure laws that would allow our would-be husband to stake a claim to the child, regardless of the lack of DNA proof. Even if she’s not helping international parents, she’s going to be so busy with her day-to-day life, her own kids, growing a person and loving on you that marriage won’t be at the top of her list. So breathe easy and know that she probably won’t be “pinning” table linens and flowers to her Pinterest boards and try to drag you down the aisle in a couple of months.
2. It’s not your fault she’s pregnant
There are two gems to this one! First, when your girlfriend is in labor, she won’t be yelling, “You did this to me!!!” between contractions. You get to be the loving, supportive coach (if you want), without worrying she’s going to secretly hate you for this. Second, you get to be in on the joke! It’s always fun to have people assume that you are expecting a child together and to have the boyfriend say, “Oh, it’s not mine.” That little moment of pleasure when you see the looks on people’s faces is priceless. And then you can help spread the word of surrogacy by telling people the truth and facts behind your little joke.
3. That baby isn’t yours and never will be
Dating a single mom can be tricky: you’re trying to decide if the woman likes you for you or if she’s just looking for someone to help support her already-existing child. And when you find out the woman you’ve been chatting up is pregnant: whoa, Nelly! But this time, you don’t have to try to figure out if you’re ready to deal with a messy, noisy, demanding newborn just yet. When that baby’s done cooking, it doesn’t come home with you!
4. Your girlfriend has a good heart
A woman changes her lifestyle, takes medications that can make her a bit emotional, carries at least one child in her womb for 9 months and then gives the baby(ies) to the rightful, eager, excited and joyous parents that weren’t able to do this by themselves. Damn, that’s pretty cool.
5. You won’t accidentally get her pregnant
Between the hormone injections she takes to stop ovulation and then being pregnant, you and your girlfriend will be safe from the constant worry of “is she? did we? what if?” Sure, there’ll be a few times during your relationship when she will be told not to, but that can just help make intimacy that much more intriguing!
6. You know that it’s possible for you to have kids together in the future
You’ve got a woman who’s proven her ability to “be with child” at least once, if not more. Surrogates have to have had at least one successful pregnancy and delivery in their past. Of course, you’ll want to check with your girlfriend first to see if she even wants more children of her own, but there’s no doubt of her ability to carry your offspring.
7. You know she’s healthy
A surrogate must be tested for just about everything under the sun: STDs, cancer, genetic defects that can make pregnancy and delivery hard and/or dangerous and sanity. Yup, a thorough mental exam is done to make sure they’re not a crazy wacko who’s going to steal the baby after it’s born or have a complete meltdown and be mentally and emotionally scarred for life. So not only are you dating a “clean” person, you’re dating a sane one. At least until the hormones kick in.
So if you’ve ever wondered if dating a surrogate was right for you, or you know of someone who you think would be just perfect for that surrogate you know but you weren’t sure if it would work out because of the surrogacy, what are you waiting for?!?